Adoption: Our Journey Begins

So, when you look at ‘how to write a blog’ stuff online one of the tips is to stick to only one subject. I think this is so you can start to attract an audience that is interested in a particular subject. Well, I’ve never been a great follower of rules when it comes to writing (grammar rules, spelling rules, topic rules…) and I’m not going to follow this one either. If you read this blog for the home improvement type stuff; feel free to check back in on Monday.

For anyone who doesn’t already know me personally and thus doesn’t know the background on this topic; I have been diagnosed with PCOS. This is why LJ and I haven’t been able to conceive a child yet (we’ve been trying for about six years now). We both already wanted to adopt kids someday (one of the things we talked about on our first date), and it looks like the time is finally right. 

To adopt a child through the state, the first step is to attend an informational meeting. They literally won’t let you fill out an application unless you’ve attended this meeting. About a year ago I attended one of these informational meetings. At the time they explained that if your adopting through the state and you want a healthy newborn, it’s not going to happen. You have to go through a private agency. Most people want the newborns that are healthy and have no legal complications, so the wait can be years. However, they explained that if you’re willing to deal with legal complications you can be a ‘foster-to-adopt’ home. You’d get a baby that has a 90% chance of staying in your home. The 10% risk is scary, after all it would be SO heart-breaking to think a child is yours forever, raise it from birth to when it starts walking around and then find out it is going back. I totally understand why most people wouldn’t want to go this route. However, LJ and I were willing to be ‘foster-to-adopt’ parents so we wanted to start the training. That’s when we found out that once you are trained and have your home study, if you physically move to a new residence then you have to re-do the whole home study again (new home, new study). So after hearing this news last year we decided that once we had a house we would begin the process.

Well, we have a house now. The informational meetings are once a month and last Wednesday night was this month’s meeting. It did not go as I expected. I thought it would be pretty much the same as last time. Not at all. This time there were four times as many people in the audience (over a hundred attended) and after a brief introduction they just opened up the floor for questions. Why didn’t they give lots a details like last time? Because at this time Harris county is so back-logged with applicants that if you want to adopt a single child under the age of six they are not even taking your application. When I heard that my heart just dropped into the pit of my stomach. Forget they ‘we don’t have any healthy uncomplicated babies’, now the message is ‘we don’t have any babies, go to the private sector.’ 

If I tried to explain all the reasons we wanted to go through CPS and not through the private sector it would bore you (if you’re interested, email me and I’ll be happy to talk about it). But let’s just say that it was not our plan at all. I had researched a few agencies and they just weren’t good fits. There were a few representatives of private agencies at the meetings so we decided to talk to them and see what their respective agencies were all about.

Ok ladies, you know when you’re a bride-to-be and you’re dress shopping and everyone tells you ‘when it’s your dress, you’ll know it.’ I’ve decided that when it’s your agency, you’ll know it. We talked to a really nice guy from Arrow Child & Family Ministries and I’m happy to say I went from being very disappointed with the meeting to being very excited.

Arrow is a Christian Ministry helping to connect kids in the systems with good families that will love them.  I won’t go through our whole conversation, but Gregg (the rep) said things that brought tears to my eyes. He made it clear that his job wasn’t to find babies for nice couples, but to find families for children in need. His focus is the child first, which is so important. He told us that only God can provide a couple with a child (biological or otherwise), but if we knew this was where God was leading us he was willing to hold our hand through the journey. He said anyone who told us it would be easy was lying to us. It will be spiritually, mentally and emotionally draining. He said there will be tears and heartache, but in the end the only way we won’t end up with a child is if we quit on him. At Arrow you work with the same case worker from the day you start training all the way through to the day you sign the papers. The training only takes 9 weeks (compared to the 9 months it currently takes at CPS) and they actually require more hours of training than CPS. Training classes start every month on the first Saturday of the month and we’re welcome to join anytime. When I asked him how long the average wait is from the time a couple is certified to the time a child is adopted he just laughed. “That’s a God question, are you really asking me a God question? I’m not God. I’m not going to promise a child in a certain period of time.” I’m telling you, this is the agency for us. He did say that he currently is working on the cases of 10 couples, the longest of which has been certified for 6 or 7 months. That was really encouraging to hear because I’ve heard stories of people waiting years when they adopt through a private agency. So even though he wouldn’t promise me a date, their average can’t be years.

So, LJ and I will probably start classes next month. The only reason we wouldn’t would be if our flooring still wasn’t done. We can’t really pass a safety inspection if our house doesn’t have floors. So, for now we’ll be focusing on home improvement again, but it’s with a renewed motivation. We know why we’re fixing up our home; it’s so we can open it to children.

Periodically I’ll post about the journey to parenthood. I know it won’t be easy, so hopefully our story encourages others who are considering adopting.  For now, I’m just excited that the start line is in sight. We’ve been waiting it seems like an eternity to start this process. Parenthood, here we come. (: