Adoption Classes = Brain of Mush

When I started this blog I intended to post mostly about design and our home improvement efforts, with post every once and a while that are more personal. However, it seems that this past weekend, when I sat down to work on this week's posts I just....couldn't. My brain has turned to mush. 

We've now taken 4 adoption classes, each of which are 3 hours long. We have another four this week. I knew taking this many classes in two weeks would be hard. I knew it would require me to work longer hours on some days to make of for the days I leave work early. I knew that going to class for 6 hours on Saturday would leave me with less time to rest on the weekend. Physically, I was prepared for taking these classes back to back to back.

What I wasn't prepared for was the way the classes drain me emotionally. The classes are really good. The provide us with info and tools we're going to need. They give us resources and teach us who to ask for help if we ever need it. But they also talk about what it's like for the child to be taken from their birth parents and put in the system. What it feels like to be moved from everything and everyone you've even known. It's pretty heavy stuff. I find myself leaving each class needed to process everything I just took in. It's a lot to think about. Not in a "maybe we shouldn't do this" type of way, because the more I hear the more I want to help these kids... more of a "I wonder what type of background our future kids will have."

I've never been pregnant, but I can imagine that when you are, you spend a lot of time wondering what the child will be like. Girl or boy? Tall or short? Look like mom, dad, both or neither? What sports will they enjoy playing? ect. I am sure there is always a little concern about the baby being born healthy, but for the most part the questions are about fun topics. And that's the way it should be. That has to be so exciting and I hope to some day have biological child and experience that.

But for now, the questions I'm asking myself are ones like: How old will our kid be when we get them? How emotionally scarred? What physical challenges will there be? Will they have to go through drug withdraw as a child? What behavior problems will exist? Will they hurt themselves or other children? And most of all...Will I get to keep them?

These are the things I think of, the things my brain is currently churning over and trying to process. It makes for an interesting week. Hard to think about other things. So, I promise I'll get back to posting about fun things... it may just be a little longer. I have quite a few things I'm excited to share, if I could only focus on them long enough to write!